pressured.

Im feeling so much relived last friday . but today i feel like people are so irresponsible. its okay if you wanna flunk but i don't think i wanna flunk, I've been setting up so high but now, the group work is literally bringing everything down. Im just gonna put all this crap behind my back and try to ace my finals. like seriously, prove to some of them including my  classmates.

 i would safely say that we are all friends in class, but definitely we compete with each other silently. well i don't know. i feel that we do.
anyways, moving forward, I'm gonna just like i say put this crap behind me.

And i know i have been ignoring my blog for as long as i can think. Internet at home is down and i told mum that she shouldn't fix it and she should do it after my finals are done. And she happily agree to this statement . for the first time.

There so much to talk about but i don't know where to start. I can't really sum up everything i did this whole time. theres like 2 weeks of information.

 Gahh, thats like ALOT. so yeah. I'm just gonna not talk about everything that has happened. only gonna talk about what is gonna happen when the finals are over.

 sorry to everyone that i ignored this pass few days, and the one that ignore me, ahh, thanks. i know you still love me. :)

Have a great week. and pray for me to ace my finals man. :)

teamwork

I don't know about you but i do really like my classmates. Both, Matriculation and this computing. I am so fine with everything they do, they only thing is that i never wanna work with them in a group. I feel working in a group is like a pretty big burden, not only for the team leader, like me but also all the members that are involved in a project we are assigned with.

I've beeb having difficulties lately to just complete assignments, as all four assignments due now, is like a group work thing. And as final coming just around the corner and finals is like in 3 weeks and assignments are all due in 2 weeks. i repeat 2 weeks all four. Seems like it sound nothing you may thing

I don't think its anything if you were doing other course, as now its computing, you have to have the perfect powerpoint slide, perfect java code, perfect html . creative webpages. Its like you got to be good in art and good geeks too.

I know it seems like I'm complaining so much, am at the tip of a cliff now, jumping down taking one millisecond. But i am not gonna give up. I know its 20% for each of us. IM GONNA DO IT ON MY OWN and lets just see what happens. Im not gonna complain nor do anything.

I should tell myself not to freak out. take it in one by one.

till then
ashwi. <3

restless mind

Do we just get the thought of somethings gonna happen or is it just us that we tend to think about what is not gonna happen. or perhaps we think too hard. i think its just our nature that we think super duper hard on every little thing. i do that a lot. 

so yeah, a friend, being a friend as usual. told me too much stuff that made me so worried about him and then realized, 

hey, what if whatever he says happens to me. 

At that point i made a point to not bother about anything but just do things that make me happy. umm and one of it was you. and I'm glad that i am actually over you. you chapter was long and now it ended and I've started my new one. its not that i hate you or whatsoever.

 its just that i don't feel the same anymore. its like I'm wasting our time. i am still you friend and your still my dearest friend. and the relationship will just be maintained for the best for both of us. we would definitely be the stupid bunch. as usual. :) 

I am just glad that i want to make myself happy and i realized when i put a thought of being happy i can actually be happy with less pretending and stuff.

I feel like not seeing anyone for the next 2 weeks. to just yeah. 2 weeks.

i will definitely talk to you and Facebook and twitter and bbm . but just not in sight of anyone except my classmates.

I'm just gonna concentrate on three now, class, assignments and gym. 

:)

lovies ;) 

ashes of grief

Have you have lost someone you knew but not personally. He was one of the faces you see everyday and say Good Morning Sir. And thats where you conversations stops every single day?

I did. two days ago. one of my pre-u lecturer. Mr.Jeff Pelland. he lost his soul for being innocent. it kills me to know that, someone who wanted to live life so much and have fun had to go but the ones that don't wanna be alive and regretting every moment and chance they got making this life wonderful, wants to die.

Dies to crossfire

looking at him now, thinking this wonderful person lost everything he had and manage to leave a mark in each and every heart who knew him makes me wanna cry. But I am gonna be strong because I believe this is part and parcel of life that on day we are all gonna lose ourselves too. but i just feel his was too early.

We all who knew him are staying strong for him cause we believe that he wants us to be strong for ourselves. He has not only inspired few but he inspired many and this news was not only devastating, we had anger in ourselves too due to the fact the he was not involved in any issue but had to go through this due to some inconsiderate people we live with.

There are many speculations around about was actually happened but i am just gonna tell this.

Its okay because everyone does mistakes and as it is for this, someone has lost his life. He means dearly to us and we meant so much to him too as his students and most of his friends and i believe he is in a better place now and no matter what, i believe he will be alright. He may not be around us, but his presence will definitely never disappear.

you'll be missed Sir, 

He may not be around us, but his presence will definitely never disappear.

make or break

I took half day from uni today. I was having issues with my eyes and i was totally drained out and stressed out. plus i looked like a zombie. and i was not feeling well. all in one eh. Mum asked me to come home so that i can go see the doc. As it is for my eyes. i feel like just scrapping it out. i will be alright tomorrow.

last night i was talking a friend of mine. and we were basically talking about moving on and letting and avoiding and stuff like that. he made me think. what was i really trying to do. seems like i worry my friends a lot lately, but i worry myself too. i constantly ask myself about my behavior. why am i behaving like this. i use to be that person that is strong but now seems like I'm just strong outside and inside me, my world is crumbling down.

I've been crying a lot too lately. for him. and i bet he knows. but i don't think he could do anything. like right now, if i get to see him, i would really cry, because missing that guy is all i do now. i talk to him but i don't see him. maybe to many talking to that person would suffice but to me it just doesn't work. so yeah, i cry a lot that at times it makes me feel so much better. really better for a short period of time and the sense of miss comes back.

when a person cry, we cant do anything other than to tell them, things will be alright soon. and as they cry, they let go of everything they kept inside and soon they will for sure feel much better.
if i ever cry infront of you, just hold my hands and tell me, that i will be okay because i have always been and just let me cry.


I thought that this wouldn't actually last long but actually it does.

like moments after he left, seems like he just left. you know, just left and not coming back.

avoiding is just letting things be the way it is. like we dont want anymore changes . because you lost something and maybe if there is changes, we are jus afraid that we would totally lose that person.


I just want you to know that i miss you. and i would do anything right now to just turn back time.

text

since you left, texting as in bbm is like what i do when i stare on my phone. nothing else. and i bet you know that i really really miss you till the extend that you couldn't face me when you left. and the best thing you did was to tell your best friend to take care of me. I know that I'm thinking too much now but sometimes i just wish i knew what you were thinking because i believe you know what the heck I'm exactly thinking because you best friend who is apparently my close friends tells you everything i tell him. And i know you always want the best for me and you want me to be alright, but sometimes i wonder if you know that whenever your not the the picture, the word alright is not my friend. And i try so hard to put you aside because i never wanna let the people down in my life. and if you were my priority in life right now, seriously i would fail tremendously in many things. And I'm happy that you really care for me and you find time to at least spent 15 mins with me. i really appreciate all this, if  not i won't be a little like how i use to be. I don't know whether I'm asking for a lot or what but sometime i just wish i knew what we are going through exactly right now.

 I just want you to know that I really miss having you around me.

I really wanna be normal and this is making me sad, upset, annoyed and angry. I don't wanna cry every morning thinking about you, about how you left without tell me. I'm also wondering why you of everyone i know. And it annoys me that when i feel miserable i eat. Why can't you just be like normal to me. I actually did nothing to you. I was there with you through everything as a friend. I just wanna be happy without worrying about how long the happiness is gonna last.

And you know. to pretend that you are okay and you smile and put aside al the pain is the hardest thing I've done in my whole life. And I've been doing it like forever now.

happy.

im kinda running out of post titles though. so what i did was take how i am feeling now. Oh yes, i am feeling happy. pretty much this two weeks. because i was thinking that fuck this problem shit though. how long am i gonna go through all this shit if i really wanna be happy right.

so putting all aside and pretending nothing has happen is definitely hard because you know what you are going through and all can you actually put everything behind and pretend nothing happened but actually all this has reallly cut and slice and scratched your heart.

moving on, i dont really know about you though but right now, for me, my friends. there are like my second backone. im not putting this pile up on their back and telling you that i cant moce on without them. i can. its just that at times i wish they are always there you know. i have my back bone they are second in sense of they can help me be a better person. Thanks to them who fails me at times, make me know they are not some robots with no feelings and they do mistakes too.

Ive learn many things in life that make me say to my self, "hey, things are not bad after all" you know when i put a positive mind on it. think everyone you look at is actually beautiful and trust me the next person you look at is the most beautiful person ever.

I think everything we go through is about our mindset. If we have a positive mindset, even something that is bad will make you feel so much better though. I have always taken things negatively in life but now, i think about what i want and what i need in life. i tell this to myself,

"hey, things are not bad after all"

ending.

you might call me  a person who over thinks. but sigh, thats just what I'm made off i think. right now, after coming up with a list of what i need in life, and definitely, relationship in not in it. so yeah, i seem pretty happy than everything is back to normal. my list would be this :

first, i would like to keep on losing more weight.
second, i would like to learn/ continue guitar on my own so that i can play bruno mars song.
third, i would love to hang out with my friends, and have good laughs and create memories, that will make me smile when I'm 60.
fourth, i would take up korean language just to sing to all #bigbang songs. :)
fifth, I'm gonna volunteer and make myself proud of myself and because i realize today, making others happy makes me happy.


i slept just now around 11pm+ and now its 2.14am and I'm all awake having this discomfort feeling. I am really afraid about how long my happiness is gonna last. Because, when i was happy, it never lasted that long anyways. 


Thats why, sometimes, being all upset and caught up makes me comfortable because i believe that that feeling that I'm pretty much use to never goes away. 




maybe I'm just over thinking. i shall bog again tomorrow. better hit the sack sack now, early class tomorrow :)


xx

bothered. Really

I would say for a 19 years old girl I have actually gone through a slot. I have always wanted a simple life with no problems . But I have to admit that. Have grown up a lot ever since. I still remember how I use to be then and how I am now. Nowadays. I do things to make myself happy. I have already had the courage to push people away nowadays. I know this is mean but I think I am happier this way. I push people that causes drama in my life. All I want is a life which is drama less. I can't deal with drama because I realize that it break people's spine to see us actually happy with or without them. They always wanna bring us down in life. Come on, I need a real fucking good reason to know why you want me to be miserable. All I did was be nice to you.. Have I ever break you, as far as I know I was always there for you and now for myself and for once. Wanted something really bad for myself and now you made me not to talk to him. I would definitely say your the reason why I am like this now. But I forgive you, and everyone for whatever you did to me but I can't forget and even though I forgives you people that doesn't mean i am gonna be all nice to you like normal. The fact is that you broke me apart and it seems like I really can't put back the pieces together for myself. I reall can't. When I realize that I'm feeling so much better, someone but definitely not you, would bring me down. Even family does that you know. It super depressing when you can't put the pieces of your life all back again just for that smile to carve back at your lips. It does break me more because i really have this really good bunch of people in my life that I love which would actually spend time with me for that I am actuaally okay . They make sure That I am actually okay but for how long am I gonna burden them to be there for me. I can't ask them to always be there for me and for all the crap you throw at my life right. I really wish this phase of life end. I dont have plans to commit suicide or whatsoever, that would be something really stupid to do. I just wish that I wasn't alive . And Ive been having this craving to stay alone. I just don't feel like seeing anyone anymore. I just wish. To run and run in the gym and pass out so that you know. Maybe I wanna do all this just to get attention. I can really proudly say that I'm a super confused child. I have never went through this phase of life and I gotta admit that I can't take it no more. I have always been strong and those who have hurt my feelings like really hurt my feelings had definitely make me stronger as an individual. They have really made me into this strong person. I think stronger outside. But the thing is I have always looked strong and always believe there will be solution to everything but I deep inside I'm actually dying because yes, how much I'm gonna go through. How long am I gonna be strong. I know I've been letting the enemy know the weakness I have but then I have no choice because right now, I really can't take it in life. I'm gonna stop complaining and try to figure everything out now. Have a great day people. xx Ashwi (:

time.

its 7.58am now. time . information. how i wish this 4 letter word just mean so information. too bad time means more than that to me.

i need time in everything i do. i need time to let people in my life too. because i rurally don't tell what i go through in life . i just pretend to be happy and pretend that i am actually fine with everything that i don't have anything to worry.

so people tend to think that i never had a bad day in my life before and the truth is, right now,
i am going through bad day for like the past 4 weeks. yes, it is my fault for not expressing how i feel. well i just wanna skip all the messy bit about explaining and i only tell stuff to the ones i am really comfortable with like best friends. they know what i go through and they know that, there a lot going on behind that smile. ALOT.

And i have friends who think that i am always okay with everything and they tend to push it to the limit. i mean you can hardly see me get mean but i think if i do. i know i will be super mean like, damn, I'm gonna fuck you up side down now. but then i would like regret it the next minute. somethings i need to change myself on.

change. i think I've written something about change. i just feel that i will never be ready to take a huge step and live with this change in life. like knowing my actions can make me lose  friend. and i am really not ready for it but its bugging me a lot about things. yeah. lets just not go there

there are  people like i really trust. i do. and i know they never tend to fail me. but then yesterday i realize that no matter how much this person means to you, they can actually fail you. i mean i think this is what we go through although is friendship. there was nothing that mentioned about bestfriend failing you. i think they failing me makes me learn more about them and that is what i am happy about. we need balance.


And to the all of you, i am really sorry if i was mean. i know you know that i love you. :)

have a great morning though

xx

ashwi

Abandoned blog

No, i didn't abandoned my blog. I was away for the past 2 weeks. sorry. blame the assignments. After last week, i feel like a huge load is lift off my back, but then again there is a big assignment coming up. I'm gonna force myself not be stressed out which
 i know i would fail tremendously. So assignments was over on thursday. took time out to meet my friends on friday cause i basically ditched them for a week. And i took the weekend to just laze in my room and tumblr and music. i didn't go out. other than shopping with grannie.

Two weeks, there are many things to blog about but I'm just gonna write something about how i feel now. I know i mentioned that assignment was a huge load off. i have a bigger load behind my back, still which is you.

Why is this fear for you to know how i feel is not subsiding?

I can get over my fear almost on everything asap, but you, it is so hard. i thought i could give myself some time and i shall tell you how i feel. i think my reaction towards you got you thinking about how i feel. and now everything seems so weird around us.

the weird stare we give at each other before the small hi and non stop smiles. i just want to get over the fact that i like you and move on you know. knowing that, i believe being with you seems so impossible, but that 1% of believe i have of you saying a yes is making me go through
shits in life.

sometime i regret that i was a inch close to tell you how i feel because after i did that i just feel things are different between us. i feel maybe you don't. I've been ignoring you too. and i know you know. why we have to make life complicating.

Am i causing more problems to my self?
Something i ponder about every night though.

Other than all this, i had the huge fight with my sister , saturday night. i told her that i forgive her for everything she done that hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally but it wouldn't be fair for her to just ask me to forget right.

the pain i gone through for her, she wants to erase all that with a simple sorry. she is not happy with the fact that i don't put her first anymore in my life like how i used too. now i told her its my friends. cause at one point she chose her friends over me. why should i still care right?

but deep down i do. i want her to know that how much she means to me and how much i would do for her. i pushed her away, because i believe you will realize what they mean to you when that person is not around you.

too much to sigh about in life but i believe i can get through all this though. i know i can because I've always been strong with everything. i just need time.

Open it.

Have you ever wondered why someone who goes through a lot don't wanna help themselves so that they could at least feel a bit better.

I mean, i think my weak point is i care so much for a person although i know at the end of the day, i end up caring for myself too. This is something I don't really. What I care is for people I know to be happy.
When i see my friends upset, it does break me apart. I try my level best to understand them completely but then i know that i can't because i don't really know how their emotions are.

You might be thinking, why not just care about yourself but not others. I think it has been tattooed in me ever since to care about everyone around me because i like so see everyone happy. But I'm no God to make sure everyone is happy.

I do listen to my friends problem and they think i don't understand. Okay maybe i don't maybe i do. I just think that by telling out and letting out what you feel wouldn't kill you. But i think you should know who you are gonna tell it to so that no one judge you.

You can't blame anyone for judging you. In our society that is already our norm. You open up about yourself and although if it goes against the society, there will be someone who accepts you for who you are. Im sure there is. Because i think we just haven't find the one that actually really understands us.

And if you know that your happy being what you are, i think you should because at the end of the day it is your life and your living it till the end. People around us are there just to bring us down at times. But sometimes there are those who will really accept you for who you are.


I don't think that i could blame anyone for not being there for me although i have always been there for them. I think everyone has their own thing to do. I always live by saying that at the end of the day, its you and the universe. So yes, its you and the universe. Doesn't mean that no one was there for, no one would. We just gotta be positive about life. And accept people for who they are.


And when i think, someone you trust , would wanna be there for you,  although we might think that they don't really understand what you we are going through. being thankful that someone actually cares for you is good enough for you to ease a little of your pain.

Don't Lie

Bored. Could that be a reason for you to go against your feeling towards your lover. Seriously bored. Your bored and you go tell someone else that you like them,  just for the sake that your bored.

i find it pretty ridiculous. Rephrase. VERY Ridiculous. I know that sometime they are many things in life we wish we had but we can't put our hands on. I think we gotta know that, that is just how life is suppose to be. How would it be if you keep on getting everything you want and need. By that, i would say, there is no point to live life right. Just be a statue. You come and increase population and the just rot six feet under.

There are many reason for us to give all our love to someone. There should be this one thing that you see in that person that you don't see in others. Thats the reason of you loving them. I think saying that your bored is also the same as " I know I'm wrong and there is no point defending myself "

Being truly in love with someone is never easy. Im not kidding, there are many this that we should consider before giving everything we have to someone right. But the fact is that, I think it's okay to fall in love with a friends. The best part of this whole experience is that, everyday we will actually falling deeper and deeper for this person. It becomes crucial when instead of falling in love deeper, you tend to fall out of love.

But hey, we are all normal human being, we are always never satisfied with what we have and we think that we need more attention although we know we had enough. When someone can put all their attention towards you and yet you want more.

Thats why they say, in life, never expect too much, because too much will be too little one day.

And I think that we all should just minimize the use of the word " Bored " .

Stay or Leave

Have you ever wondered that someone is staying for quite some time in your life than usual. When you have people always coming in your life and giving you an big impact in many ways and eventually leaves. Its already normal to you. And when someone stays a bit longer than normal, you get all afraid, waiting when is the time coming for them to leave you.


But then again, you sit by your bedside hoping and praying for them not to leave. And yet, believing that God will do something about it, but still have the doubt on Him. 


I just think that, it's normal to open up to someone and if it was their decision to leave, we can't do anything about it. I mean, its their life and we are not controlling them. And as it is for us, we gotta be ready for change since someone changed their life and never put the puzzle of you in it.


 It actually sad at times that this person means so much to you and it seem like your just like everyone else they see on the street. And you tend to plan so much with them, in regards of them being your boyfriends or even girlfriends with all the brotherhood and sisterhood and making our kids best friends like us.


We look into a future amazingly that far and yet we know the end outcome that no one is ever gonna stay forever with us. We will eventually drift apart in life. Even the one we are married too, there are possibilities of them leaving us right after all the oaths we made before.


 I guess it just that little believe we have towards someone believing that they are not gonna leave us. I think this is just how life is suppose to be. Its the nature. I gotta admit that i do push people away from my life in order for me to be happy because I believe that Life is short and I'm gonna make it hell of ride that worth remembering.


I tend to push that one I believe that is in my life just to bring me down. I do have good friends that I never want to lose in life. And when I woke up today, this thought crossed my mind, what if they all leave?


It freaked me a bit but I persuade myself to believe that they will never leave, maybe they would go away but they will never leave me. I force myself to change my perspective though


I feel like I'm living a lie, thinking that everyone I love will always be around me, but yet I know the fact that we all have our lives and we would move on to achieve our dreams with and without the people we love


Life and people in them, ironic much.

Moons.

Something about the moon that confuses me.

Picture taken, 10 minutes ago (:

Courage.

A word that seems so easy to pronounce but so hard to imply in life would be courage. Its day for someone to ask us to be courage in life, in order not to fall back.

As it seem easy to pronounce this word, how I wish it is easy to imply to our life. Courage can mean so much so many different people. Its just that that's the only advice a person can give you

" You need courage to move on" for instant.

Seriously, bravery. Bravery takes us no where. If even if we would wanna move on from something in our life, we need our heart to open up and accept the fact that, this is not how life is gonna be. After your heart open to the fact that change in life, then you will need the courage to do it. Courage to change and accept the consequences as every norm of your life changes.

And then again, I don't blame anyone for asking me to have the courage to do things, For instant, leave home, leave mum to pursue in my future education. You know, I don't mind leaving all this, what if when I go there, I become lonely. Yes, i was brave about leaving home, and now I'm also scared if what life turns out to be something I didn't expect. And then, be brave and live life as it is.

You see, thats the thing I worry about. I thought I could do it and I tried. I failed termendously. And now due to that courage and bravery i had within me, i think i fell into this deep shit hole. I went through this phase in life, where i was like psycho loner, my best friend wanted to be there for me, but i pushed her away. I pushed everyone away from my life. I cried with no fail. And yet, there were people who hurt my feeling although they knew what I was going through.

I can have all the courage, but how long am I gonna stay strong for. People tend to pull my down more day by day and I'm sinking deeper and deeper everyday and eventually, I will sink.

I think, YES, we gotta be strong at one point and it just makes me wonder why people around you never stop hurting you. I know, the one that you love the most tend to hurt you the most. Again, we still be there for them because we are afraid that they will leave us.

If you think you have the courage to walk here alone, think again. WHAT IFyou had no one. Will you be like who you are today.

I don't think I have the courage to see change in my life yet. I mean, yes, I am still spelling courage in my life I assume. But I believe the more you hurt me, the more stronger I'm gonna become thus the more courage I will have to walk on my own.

[ Courage to shoot yourself ]

Morning Sun

There are many things in life we all wish to change, we do, it's just that we don't really show it and we pretend to think that it will all be fine in front of everyone, but we know, deep down us, it's hard to move on with this uncomfortable and tingling feeling. The feeling you have like something bad is gonna happen but your practically powerless.

Yes, my feelings are confused. I miss my friends. I miss talking to my sister. I miss having real good conversations with my parents. Just because I pretend to be happy, people think I'm fine. But then again, I wanna pretend to be happy because it makes me feel better.

I know that someone is going through something way worse that what I am going through. But at times, I'm just glad that my problems are not as big as theirs. I know I am strong and they are stronger than me, and I don't understand when people asks us to be strong, we go wondering, how long am I gonna be strong you know. But then, we just gotta be strong.

I know its never easy and to let go someone you loved, but the i know that you strong feeling is difficult to dissolve, at one point everything dissolves. The only thing I keep on telling myself, don't try to hurry in finding love, it will eventually happen. And time heals all the wound.

So I believe that no matter how hurt I am right now, I just need my friends and family around me to move on. I have to be there for my friends no matter what happens. I think this is just a phase of life all we all go through this.

Move on seems like a small word with a definition that cannot be defined .

Good friends.

Everyone needs this kind people in life.

And I'm amazingly lucky to have this two people right here in my life.

You should envy me for only this.

Someone I know, would be there and understand me perfectly. :)

Concentration

Current Location : Lab 05, Java Programming Class:)

It's not that I'm not concentrating in class. It's just that my purely confused. So here I am on a friday where I am not suppose to have class but they decided to give a replacement, due to out campus visit next week. I'm not complaining though, just lacking of sleep. Dont you get annoyed for not enough sleep.

Like the previous post, I wanna go for Arthur's Day really bad so there goes the post. I heard no money can buy the tickets. Hope I get my hands on the tickets. Its four passes and I've already made my mind who I'm gonna take with me. (:

And yes, I havent been blogging for a few days now except yesterday. I just think I'm not 'kinda' emotional right now. Because of the things happening around me. I mean it's something sad for someone but it makes me happy. That's life. When your sad someone would be happy. I go through that all. Nature. Unpredictable.

Thats it for now and something I just realised today

I am actually still spelling my life correctly.

Nobody's Perfect

Black is Back with Arthur's Day 2011

Finally, all the anticipation worth awhile and Arthur's Day 2011 is back. This is its bigger, more fun and we are rocking it out with Guinness Malaysia. A party that will be as good as Guinness ones? NONE!

Here are the details for Arthur's Day 2011

Date : 23 September 2011 (Friday)

Time : 6pm onwards

Venue : Speed City KL, Selangor Turf Club

Artiste Line Up

TAIO CRUZ

JAMES BA UM

DRAGON RED

NAKED BREED

PREMA YIN

CSBTEA

ROSEVELT

JIN HACKMAN

&

MANY MORE.

It's a Guinness Party and yes! you have to go for it. Just imagine with than one sip of Guinness and the beat to "Break Your Heart" HOLY HEAVEN. I am super sure this is gonna be the best day in my life for 2011. Arthur's could never been perfect without Guinness for sure. So now, go grab your tickets and start planning for the 23rd of September. Your day is for sure gonna be massive!

All together now : "TO ARTHUR"!!!

Have fun with Guinness (:

Blame.

Why do people blame other for anything you go through. Why isn't it your fault when someone bad happens to you?

Lets ignore all the poverty, and all the suffering on earth. That one we can change. It's just that we don't wanna do anything about it though. That's us.

Im talking about blame in sense of, why you blame the innocent one who does nothing. Okay, you being in a relationship with this one person if your luck that you got someone who really loves you for who you are. And if you break, why the next girl that is close to your boyfriend gets the blame for it.

Not only in that though, there are many things why someone gets blame. And its not only girls. Even guys do get blame for so many things but nothing like when it comes to relationship.

Like in the context among friends, they always blame the quiet one. Is it just me being quiet that I got blamed for. I really wonder, but yeah. You know in life no one would ever tell if there was a mistake done, its not their fault, its your fault.

I think blaming someone for what they didn't do is so not cool. Moreover, avoiding them, like seriously, are you too boring that you need some excitement in life.

I just think that, out nature. We were all created as this one person , that same person. It's just our surrounding that makes us what we are now. No one would be born as a bad person right.

We have to know that we only live life once. Instead of making more people hate you, make them love you. Make a mark in this world that you were a wonderful person existed that everyone knew.

Confused Feeling

Yes, the word LOVE. I don't think its only me that always wandered around the world searching for love.

I think we all do. I just wonder, why we really wanna be in love. Why can't we push this feeling away like how we push sadness away from life.

I gotta admit, I can be this girl that understand barely nothing. I wonder about everything. Isn't being in love with someone painful. Which part of being in it gives us happiness. It's just that we feel insecure about everything like " Does he deserve me" & "Do I deserve someone like him or someone better" or even " Does he/she love me like how I am loving them right now"

Something about it, we have always second thought. I'm not sure you do, but i'm sure that I do. Sitting and wondering about it, and wondering about how much you lovedthis one person and all you get back is like the moment now, sitting in a cubicle thinking it and getting this tingly piercing through your heart feeling.

I am feeling really mellow since I let you go and walk away in front of me. And this little thing i call ego has always been my best friend. I tried changing, but I failed. And now, even I don't remember why i really love/like you. Even that I'm not sure.

I just feel that being in love is not worth it because I know when I'm in love with someone I give them everything but I still have doubt on how much they love me. I know I'm the problem. But I think being the problem makes you the unique one and there would be someone who will love you for who you are. But sigh, this love is making me confuse right now.

Its such a painful and confusing feeling. Nothing brings happiness and nothing last forever including love.

Then wondered again, what about my parents? Not love?

Still confused.

Ashwi (:

Monochrome.

Mom, what do you think about Monochrome Picture.?

They are just picture Ashwi, like those we have right now.

I'm not really sure is it just me or monochrome pictures are breathtaking. They beauty this black and white pictures are not describable. Or is it because we are too bored looking at colors everyday.

Or, is it just a feeling, that right now I'm frustrated with everything around me except food. Does this frustration leads to the love towards monochrome images?

Looking through this images, makes me smile, in a way due to its beauty, but then I'm still wondering, Why Monochrome.?

There something about this video, it gives this calm aura even on a bright sunny day.

Falling - Tyler Ward ft Alex G

Ashwi (: