Abandoned blog

No, i didn't abandoned my blog. I was away for the past 2 weeks. sorry. blame the assignments. After last week, i feel like a huge load is lift off my back, but then again there is a big assignment coming up. I'm gonna force myself not be stressed out which
 i know i would fail tremendously. So assignments was over on thursday. took time out to meet my friends on friday cause i basically ditched them for a week. And i took the weekend to just laze in my room and tumblr and music. i didn't go out. other than shopping with grannie.

Two weeks, there are many things to blog about but I'm just gonna write something about how i feel now. I know i mentioned that assignment was a huge load off. i have a bigger load behind my back, still which is you.

Why is this fear for you to know how i feel is not subsiding?

I can get over my fear almost on everything asap, but you, it is so hard. i thought i could give myself some time and i shall tell you how i feel. i think my reaction towards you got you thinking about how i feel. and now everything seems so weird around us.

the weird stare we give at each other before the small hi and non stop smiles. i just want to get over the fact that i like you and move on you know. knowing that, i believe being with you seems so impossible, but that 1% of believe i have of you saying a yes is making me go through
shits in life.

sometime i regret that i was a inch close to tell you how i feel because after i did that i just feel things are different between us. i feel maybe you don't. I've been ignoring you too. and i know you know. why we have to make life complicating.

Am i causing more problems to my self?
Something i ponder about every night though.

Other than all this, i had the huge fight with my sister , saturday night. i told her that i forgive her for everything she done that hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally but it wouldn't be fair for her to just ask me to forget right.

the pain i gone through for her, she wants to erase all that with a simple sorry. she is not happy with the fact that i don't put her first anymore in my life like how i used too. now i told her its my friends. cause at one point she chose her friends over me. why should i still care right?

but deep down i do. i want her to know that how much she means to me and how much i would do for her. i pushed her away, because i believe you will realize what they mean to you when that person is not around you.

too much to sigh about in life but i believe i can get through all this though. i know i can because I've always been strong with everything. i just need time.