i need time in everything i do. i need time to let people in my life too. because i rurally don't tell what i go through in life . i just pretend to be happy and pretend that i am actually fine with everything that i don't have anything to worry.
so people tend to think that i never had a bad day in my life before and the truth is, right now,
i am going through bad day for like the past 4 weeks. yes, it is my fault for not expressing how i feel. well i just wanna skip all the messy bit about explaining and i only tell stuff to the ones i am really comfortable with like best friends. they know what i go through and they know that, there a lot going on behind that smile. ALOT.
And i have friends who think that i am always okay with everything and they tend to push it to the limit. i mean you can hardly see me get mean but i think if i do. i know i will be super mean like, damn, I'm gonna fuck you up side down now. but then i would like regret it the next minute. somethings i need to change myself on.
change. i think I've written something about change. i just feel that i will never be ready to take a huge step and live with this change in life. like knowing my actions can make me lose friend. and i am really not ready for it but its bugging me a lot about things. yeah. lets just not go there
there are people like i really trust. i do. and i know they never tend to fail me. but then yesterday i realize that no matter how much this person means to you, they can actually fail you. i mean i think this is what we go through although is friendship. there was nothing that mentioned about bestfriend failing you. i think they failing me makes me learn more about them and that is what i am happy about. we need balance.
And to the all of you, i am really sorry if i was mean. i know you know that i love you. :)
have a great morning though
xx
ashwi
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