fix the broken pieces.

I think that for the next few weeks, I'm just gonna rant about weakness.
I admit though, I feel weak. I feel so weak not physically but emotionally.
I feel weak that I never fight for myself. I just let you take over and throw everything you wanted at me.
I don't like the fact that I just force myself to be the weak one and let in, and just accept everything like it was my mistake.
Because we both know, it is not.
It is not mistake that you took everything i say or write or even tweet about personally. Its not my fault that you feel so insecure about what I feel because you know that at one point you know that it is true.

I feel that we pretty much live in a very cruel world. That we are thought to not show our weakness to people because we are afraid that at the end, that exact weakness is  used upon us. Because as far as I observe, I realize that this is why I don't really show how weak I am. I just pretend to be this really strong person and those nights when I tell that I am not okay, people assume that I am fine, because I've always been strong. Never weak. At all.

I realize that how you portray yourself to be is how your surrounding will treat. If you portray yourself to be this person, it takes awhile for someone to change their perspective about you. Sometimes they never, like the say first impression is everything but they don't realize that first impression is not everything, people change, so does the perception they wish to portray to us.

By not addressing the weakness we have, I feel that we are losing so much as an individual. I feel that without letting out your weakness, you can never overcome the weakness. I mean if you look at it from a another point of view, maybe you can. And that would be like all the physical stuff you know, like fear of animals and stuff.

What about fear of rejection. How would you over come it, as you know people would definitely reject you. Even after becoming a better person, do you think that you would actually overcome the fear of rejection because I don't think becoming better physically is not gonna make you feel better emotionally.

How are we suppose to change, when every mistake is used up against us. Like how do you do that.

Then you have people like me, who would do anything to the extend of taking the blame just to make sure that no one gets hurt but then its okay for myself to be hurt because, I think I can deal with it, but the truth is I can't. I always need someone to tell me that I will be alright or someone tell me anything to make myself feel better.

Its funny that you can pretend that nothing happened between us. Like you can be so okay about it, but I thought we were both in this friendship together, the fact that you moved on so fast and have new friends, but here I am still writing and wasting my time thinking about you. Still telling myself to forgive you, but the heart just doesn't want to allow.

And maybe I should stop forgiving, because after this few days, I realize that I don't matter anymore to you, so I am not gonna apologize just to make things better.
Maybe I should really stop fixing something that is to broken to fix.