Exam.

Where do I actually start, I don't know.
I am definitely reaching the highest degree of stress right now. I mean I know it's just two papers.
But thinking about acing both of it is not easy. I feel that its happening to fast. Like I just started my degree few weeks ago and here I am, on the midst of searching for extra time because I need time.

But I am sure I will get through this phase. I always did. But to be honest, I feel like giving up already. I studied like a crazy person yesterday and today, I'm just spazzing like a Mofo. Well not what I do best, but definitely the best right now.
I will try to get back into my books and drown myself in it.

Yesterday, in the midst of studying, I decided to give myself a small break, so I decided to go watch Pitch Perfect. I mean its the "Modern Musical" thingy. Which was fun, it was suppose to be humor. Humorous. But I feel like I took it too personally. I mean that what movies do to us. I at least think they do.

That what writers do. They have this own world of their own. Picturing someone else life. And writing amazing stories like it have effected them. And when the one watches it, all emotions are heighten and you feel like crap because you think that the wrote could relate so much to you, like you were the writer, like the writer interview you and wrote and made a movie about you.

It sucks.
When you feel a lot better and you go to watch a funny movie, believing that you were okay. And to your horror, as funny as it was, there was a deep meaning to all the humor, the covers up so  much of darkness, pain and truth.

Maybe this time around, it hit me because that was exactly what I was going through. And I look up to music for help instead of humans. I push people away and keep music. You know all that jazz.
Well, thanks to my ability to constantly tell myself that I will be alright, I am not gonna explode now. Not now when exams are around the cover. And I promise Ill try to not explode right after exam but I don't know. I will definitely try.

tbh,
i fucking hate you for ruining me like this. bitch.