this is it.

Monday. Its like the start of the week. Well at least for me, I don't start my week on Sunday or any other day.

My monday's are so freaking hectic, that I wish my week starts on Monday and ends on Monday itself. Tuesday to Sunday will be like the weekend. 

Sadly, we don't always get what we want right. 

By the time I finish my monday, I am just drained. In so many ways. I mean like I don't have the power to survive till Friday. I don't think I have the strength. But I don't have a choice but to get through it right. 

I guess this week, it affected me more, that I am so stressed out because I am just drained. In every way possible. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I am not kidding. I am having like a massive headache now, but I can't just go home and cover myself under the blanket and pretend there is nothing happening tomorrow. I have a test tomorrow. A mid term test. 

You might not be stressed or anything like that. But I take all this shit seriously. 

I mean no matter what comes by, I will never  flip in school. I can never afford to flip in school. 

Because I am like that. I mean I am sorry. But theres nothing playful about screwing up uni. 

Or maybe I am just a person with very high expectations that I don't wanna disappoint myself. 

Or I feel theres nothing else I can be really good at than school, that I want to make sure that I get good results all the way through. 

It is putting stress on me, I am not kidding. But I just can't afford to let it go. And Monash is so difficult. Its just so difficult, that there's so many familiar faces, that I just wish I didn't wanna see or have a conversation with, because I don't know. I just don't wanna talk to anyone. 

And I don't know why, But the weather is annoying the shit out of me. It just so fucking cold. I mean, I'm like with three layer of clothes in one of the hottest country in the world, and I feel like just fucking burning myself because its just so cold.

Is it because of all the coldness i've received this pass few days, its just making me hate the weather. 

I mean I use to love, the cold weather. 

But now, I just want the sun to shine as bright as possible, because all this coldness is just too much to handle. 

I really wish the sun came up and just shine. I need the heat. I need to make myself feel better. 

Bottom line, I am sick. I'm stuck with flu and fever.

I wanna get over this phase. 

I wanna clear things with you 

I wanna move forward

Don't keep me waiting to just clear things. 

Lets do it, and move on.

With or without each other. 

But I need time & space

All the words you threw at me,

It's just too much too handle. 

And I am sorry. 

I know I should be stronger, 

But I can't. 

I will not be upset if you wanna take your space too

Because it takes a little bit longer for me to heal. 

I never thought this would happen, 

But it did. 

So I guess this is it. 

xx