Mum

So last night my mother was having this conversation with her cousin sister, my aunt about how she isn't worried about my at all because I always get myself together no matter what happens. The only thing she worries is the fact that I drive like an maniac. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I don't blame her though. I do drive like one. Hehehe.

But that's not the point. It hit me that she actually doesn't care about my future like how she cares about my sister's and my brither's because they are not one inch like me.Think about it. I am not telling that my sister and brother is a screw up. No I'm not. But I just feel that 'I need to screw up, to gain my parents attention'

Okay I will never do that. I don't want too. But there is two ways to look into this. The positive and negative wa obviously.

Positivity always helps. :) They do. :)

Maybe I can look at this in a way thatnI am actually reducing my parents burden that they know they don't have to be worry about how I get my things done because they think I always do. Despite the fact that I go under enormous amount of stress but hey bright side I always make myself feel better at the end. I can even make myself feel so much better about myself knowing that I am not a screw up after all .

Well negatively ( I just have too),
Maybe I should just start screwing up tool know to gain their attention so that they would actually care about what I actually do. And make them sick worried everything thinking whether I'm driving home drunk and taking drugs or having sex with all the passerby I meet. I can do that. I really can .


But thinking again,
That's not how I've grown up. I've not grown so much into this person who drinks till they get druk or do drugs or even have sex as much as I can. But that's not me. That not what I've made off.

I've made off to be this classy high achiever. A successful person. A hard worker.. And I never set anything less that what I wanted in life. I wanna always reduce my parents burden. I am this person that just cared and I've grown to this kind person yet I work my level best tone a total asshole. That is me. This is what I made up off. I don't want to take the wrong path just to gain the kattention from my parents.

I'm twenty already. It's about time that I start being more responsible. Its okay to not be responsible. They still got my parents. Likes said Icahn in a way reduce my parents burden. Maybe they care about a whole load of other thing when it comes to me except for being someone in life because they just know I would.

Right now, although it bothers me a little to know they they are not worried about me but I wish despite of everything they see. Maybe they should take a look a little closer and know how much other things are bothering me.

Till that time comes, I have you. Yes you. And me. We can be get through it together no matter what. :)


xx
ashwi.