breakingpoint.

All this time, I try to put up with people I don't like. And now, I'm just giving up. That I don't care anymore if you are gonna like me or not because I'm tired. I'm just plain tired of pleasing everyone I know, but what I get back is just pure betrayal. From the extend of talking behind my back till being really nice to for getting something they want. 

I don't know why, for the past two year, I've been feeling miserable. I have gone to the extend of being under depression because of this and till today, I feel like no one seem to understand. I just feel that people wanna use me, use me and be nice to me just for them to use me. To be honest, I really don't think I'm gonna survive this long. Because it is breaking me deeper and deeper every single day. 

There are days where I just wanna run out. Like I feel, even leaving this place is not gonna help. I feel frustrated knowing that the people I trust, they tend to just use me for something that they need. And I've tried to change my perspective about them and it just don't work. Maybe the problem is I don't confront people about how I feel. But I don't find a point of confronting that person they have hit me hard on the last level about them. 

Today is one of the days where I feel like taking the knife not to kill myself but kill everyone around me. Where pressure is kicking in that I want to get out from home, before I get into a huge fight with my grandma. 

You see, what the fuck you do to me, people around me.