space, friend.

Lately, I find it really difficult to just bond with boys. I mean it has been my forte, that I am always closer to guys than girls, except Kishya. I mean I don't know why, but lately things are just not going on well.

I am afraid to even go up to my guy friend and say that I really miss him. Afraid that Ill be judged for liking him all over again. I think the world seems more peaceful without us talking. And I find it difficult. I go through this with most of them now, that when I am close to a guy, it is totally misjudged about me liking him, no matter if he is Rhys, Dinesh or even Adam.

I mean, I sometimes, back off too, To just prevent drama, but I wish my social connection is not as shallow as it seems. I believe that today, you can have a good friend, who is a guy, that can sometimes be the only person that can make you feel better, without us having feelings for each other.

It is possible. I guess it all comes down to how we look at the society behavior. That how you analyze everything you see. Do you look at it as something positive or do you look at is as something negative. Not forgetting that certain percentage of people, who would tell any crap they could to just bring you down, because of their jealously. Jealous that you are close to a guy. As for me, being a girl, a lot of girls, really tried hard to bring me down, because I click with boys very easily. And the only thing they can come up with is that I am close to that guy because I like him, i repeat, I like him. It never once was, he likes me.

Why am I not capable of making a guy attracted to me? Like really? You think. Honey bunny, that's where you are wrong. Very wrong.

Sometimes, this is why I am closer to guys,

Okay, moving on.

So lately I realize I've been drifting away from my guy friends, to just prevent from people talking about me behind my back which leads to me being super raged and doing reckless things. I mean this is me. This is what I do. And I know this is not right, but I don't know how else to just let things be, and just move on. Okay maybe gym is an option.

But sometimes, I wish I could just text you how much I miss you, and the same time, I feel like I don't want to invade you space, as uni started and stuff. To be honest, you were there for me once, and now, I dont want you to be my listener or anything, I just wanna see you and give you a big fat hug and catch up on things.

bottom line,

dear lovely boyfriend,

i miss you. you and everything. i sometimes wants to just express to the world to not be judgmental so that i can go out with you to hang out. sometimes, i wish i want to come up to you but you seem so busy that i don't want to invade your space. text me or something. im sure you know who you are.


love,
ashwi.