Open it.

Have you ever wondered why someone who goes through a lot don't wanna help themselves so that they could at least feel a bit better.

I mean, i think my weak point is i care so much for a person although i know at the end of the day, i end up caring for myself too. This is something I don't really. What I care is for people I know to be happy.
When i see my friends upset, it does break me apart. I try my level best to understand them completely but then i know that i can't because i don't really know how their emotions are.

You might be thinking, why not just care about yourself but not others. I think it has been tattooed in me ever since to care about everyone around me because i like so see everyone happy. But I'm no God to make sure everyone is happy.

I do listen to my friends problem and they think i don't understand. Okay maybe i don't maybe i do. I just think that by telling out and letting out what you feel wouldn't kill you. But i think you should know who you are gonna tell it to so that no one judge you.

You can't blame anyone for judging you. In our society that is already our norm. You open up about yourself and although if it goes against the society, there will be someone who accepts you for who you are. Im sure there is. Because i think we just haven't find the one that actually really understands us.

And if you know that your happy being what you are, i think you should because at the end of the day it is your life and your living it till the end. People around us are there just to bring us down at times. But sometimes there are those who will really accept you for who you are.


I don't think that i could blame anyone for not being there for me although i have always been there for them. I think everyone has their own thing to do. I always live by saying that at the end of the day, its you and the universe. So yes, its you and the universe. Doesn't mean that no one was there for, no one would. We just gotta be positive about life. And accept people for who they are.


And when i think, someone you trust , would wanna be there for you,  although we might think that they don't really understand what you we are going through. being thankful that someone actually cares for you is good enough for you to ease a little of your pain.

Don't Lie

Bored. Could that be a reason for you to go against your feeling towards your lover. Seriously bored. Your bored and you go tell someone else that you like them,  just for the sake that your bored.

i find it pretty ridiculous. Rephrase. VERY Ridiculous. I know that sometime they are many things in life we wish we had but we can't put our hands on. I think we gotta know that, that is just how life is suppose to be. How would it be if you keep on getting everything you want and need. By that, i would say, there is no point to live life right. Just be a statue. You come and increase population and the just rot six feet under.

There are many reason for us to give all our love to someone. There should be this one thing that you see in that person that you don't see in others. Thats the reason of you loving them. I think saying that your bored is also the same as " I know I'm wrong and there is no point defending myself "

Being truly in love with someone is never easy. Im not kidding, there are many this that we should consider before giving everything we have to someone right. But the fact is that, I think it's okay to fall in love with a friends. The best part of this whole experience is that, everyday we will actually falling deeper and deeper for this person. It becomes crucial when instead of falling in love deeper, you tend to fall out of love.

But hey, we are all normal human being, we are always never satisfied with what we have and we think that we need more attention although we know we had enough. When someone can put all their attention towards you and yet you want more.

Thats why they say, in life, never expect too much, because too much will be too little one day.

And I think that we all should just minimize the use of the word " Bored " .

Stay or Leave

Have you ever wondered that someone is staying for quite some time in your life than usual. When you have people always coming in your life and giving you an big impact in many ways and eventually leaves. Its already normal to you. And when someone stays a bit longer than normal, you get all afraid, waiting when is the time coming for them to leave you.


But then again, you sit by your bedside hoping and praying for them not to leave. And yet, believing that God will do something about it, but still have the doubt on Him. 


I just think that, it's normal to open up to someone and if it was their decision to leave, we can't do anything about it. I mean, its their life and we are not controlling them. And as it is for us, we gotta be ready for change since someone changed their life and never put the puzzle of you in it.


 It actually sad at times that this person means so much to you and it seem like your just like everyone else they see on the street. And you tend to plan so much with them, in regards of them being your boyfriends or even girlfriends with all the brotherhood and sisterhood and making our kids best friends like us.


We look into a future amazingly that far and yet we know the end outcome that no one is ever gonna stay forever with us. We will eventually drift apart in life. Even the one we are married too, there are possibilities of them leaving us right after all the oaths we made before.


 I guess it just that little believe we have towards someone believing that they are not gonna leave us. I think this is just how life is suppose to be. Its the nature. I gotta admit that i do push people away from my life in order for me to be happy because I believe that Life is short and I'm gonna make it hell of ride that worth remembering.


I tend to push that one I believe that is in my life just to bring me down. I do have good friends that I never want to lose in life. And when I woke up today, this thought crossed my mind, what if they all leave?


It freaked me a bit but I persuade myself to believe that they will never leave, maybe they would go away but they will never leave me. I force myself to change my perspective though


I feel like I'm living a lie, thinking that everyone I love will always be around me, but yet I know the fact that we all have our lives and we would move on to achieve our dreams with and without the people we love


Life and people in them, ironic much.

Moons.

Something about the moon that confuses me.

Picture taken, 10 minutes ago (:

Courage.

A word that seems so easy to pronounce but so hard to imply in life would be courage. Its day for someone to ask us to be courage in life, in order not to fall back.

As it seem easy to pronounce this word, how I wish it is easy to imply to our life. Courage can mean so much so many different people. Its just that that's the only advice a person can give you

" You need courage to move on" for instant.

Seriously, bravery. Bravery takes us no where. If even if we would wanna move on from something in our life, we need our heart to open up and accept the fact that, this is not how life is gonna be. After your heart open to the fact that change in life, then you will need the courage to do it. Courage to change and accept the consequences as every norm of your life changes.

And then again, I don't blame anyone for asking me to have the courage to do things, For instant, leave home, leave mum to pursue in my future education. You know, I don't mind leaving all this, what if when I go there, I become lonely. Yes, i was brave about leaving home, and now I'm also scared if what life turns out to be something I didn't expect. And then, be brave and live life as it is.

You see, thats the thing I worry about. I thought I could do it and I tried. I failed termendously. And now due to that courage and bravery i had within me, i think i fell into this deep shit hole. I went through this phase in life, where i was like psycho loner, my best friend wanted to be there for me, but i pushed her away. I pushed everyone away from my life. I cried with no fail. And yet, there were people who hurt my feeling although they knew what I was going through.

I can have all the courage, but how long am I gonna stay strong for. People tend to pull my down more day by day and I'm sinking deeper and deeper everyday and eventually, I will sink.

I think, YES, we gotta be strong at one point and it just makes me wonder why people around you never stop hurting you. I know, the one that you love the most tend to hurt you the most. Again, we still be there for them because we are afraid that they will leave us.

If you think you have the courage to walk here alone, think again. WHAT IFyou had no one. Will you be like who you are today.

I don't think I have the courage to see change in my life yet. I mean, yes, I am still spelling courage in my life I assume. But I believe the more you hurt me, the more stronger I'm gonna become thus the more courage I will have to walk on my own.

[ Courage to shoot yourself ]

Morning Sun

There are many things in life we all wish to change, we do, it's just that we don't really show it and we pretend to think that it will all be fine in front of everyone, but we know, deep down us, it's hard to move on with this uncomfortable and tingling feeling. The feeling you have like something bad is gonna happen but your practically powerless.

Yes, my feelings are confused. I miss my friends. I miss talking to my sister. I miss having real good conversations with my parents. Just because I pretend to be happy, people think I'm fine. But then again, I wanna pretend to be happy because it makes me feel better.

I know that someone is going through something way worse that what I am going through. But at times, I'm just glad that my problems are not as big as theirs. I know I am strong and they are stronger than me, and I don't understand when people asks us to be strong, we go wondering, how long am I gonna be strong you know. But then, we just gotta be strong.

I know its never easy and to let go someone you loved, but the i know that you strong feeling is difficult to dissolve, at one point everything dissolves. The only thing I keep on telling myself, don't try to hurry in finding love, it will eventually happen. And time heals all the wound.

So I believe that no matter how hurt I am right now, I just need my friends and family around me to move on. I have to be there for my friends no matter what happens. I think this is just a phase of life all we all go through this.

Move on seems like a small word with a definition that cannot be defined .

Good friends.

Everyone needs this kind people in life.

And I'm amazingly lucky to have this two people right here in my life.

You should envy me for only this.

Someone I know, would be there and understand me perfectly. :)

Concentration

Current Location : Lab 05, Java Programming Class:)

It's not that I'm not concentrating in class. It's just that my purely confused. So here I am on a friday where I am not suppose to have class but they decided to give a replacement, due to out campus visit next week. I'm not complaining though, just lacking of sleep. Dont you get annoyed for not enough sleep.

Like the previous post, I wanna go for Arthur's Day really bad so there goes the post. I heard no money can buy the tickets. Hope I get my hands on the tickets. Its four passes and I've already made my mind who I'm gonna take with me. (:

And yes, I havent been blogging for a few days now except yesterday. I just think I'm not 'kinda' emotional right now. Because of the things happening around me. I mean it's something sad for someone but it makes me happy. That's life. When your sad someone would be happy. I go through that all. Nature. Unpredictable.

Thats it for now and something I just realised today

I am actually still spelling my life correctly.

Nobody's Perfect

Black is Back with Arthur's Day 2011

Finally, all the anticipation worth awhile and Arthur's Day 2011 is back. This is its bigger, more fun and we are rocking it out with Guinness Malaysia. A party that will be as good as Guinness ones? NONE!

Here are the details for Arthur's Day 2011

Date : 23 September 2011 (Friday)

Time : 6pm onwards

Venue : Speed City KL, Selangor Turf Club

Artiste Line Up

TAIO CRUZ

JAMES BA UM

DRAGON RED

NAKED BREED

PREMA YIN

CSBTEA

ROSEVELT

JIN HACKMAN

&

MANY MORE.

It's a Guinness Party and yes! you have to go for it. Just imagine with than one sip of Guinness and the beat to "Break Your Heart" HOLY HEAVEN. I am super sure this is gonna be the best day in my life for 2011. Arthur's could never been perfect without Guinness for sure. So now, go grab your tickets and start planning for the 23rd of September. Your day is for sure gonna be massive!

All together now : "TO ARTHUR"!!!

Have fun with Guinness (:

Blame.

Why do people blame other for anything you go through. Why isn't it your fault when someone bad happens to you?

Lets ignore all the poverty, and all the suffering on earth. That one we can change. It's just that we don't wanna do anything about it though. That's us.

Im talking about blame in sense of, why you blame the innocent one who does nothing. Okay, you being in a relationship with this one person if your luck that you got someone who really loves you for who you are. And if you break, why the next girl that is close to your boyfriend gets the blame for it.

Not only in that though, there are many things why someone gets blame. And its not only girls. Even guys do get blame for so many things but nothing like when it comes to relationship.

Like in the context among friends, they always blame the quiet one. Is it just me being quiet that I got blamed for. I really wonder, but yeah. You know in life no one would ever tell if there was a mistake done, its not their fault, its your fault.

I think blaming someone for what they didn't do is so not cool. Moreover, avoiding them, like seriously, are you too boring that you need some excitement in life.

I just think that, out nature. We were all created as this one person , that same person. It's just our surrounding that makes us what we are now. No one would be born as a bad person right.

We have to know that we only live life once. Instead of making more people hate you, make them love you. Make a mark in this world that you were a wonderful person existed that everyone knew.

Confused Feeling

Yes, the word LOVE. I don't think its only me that always wandered around the world searching for love.

I think we all do. I just wonder, why we really wanna be in love. Why can't we push this feeling away like how we push sadness away from life.

I gotta admit, I can be this girl that understand barely nothing. I wonder about everything. Isn't being in love with someone painful. Which part of being in it gives us happiness. It's just that we feel insecure about everything like " Does he deserve me" & "Do I deserve someone like him or someone better" or even " Does he/she love me like how I am loving them right now"

Something about it, we have always second thought. I'm not sure you do, but i'm sure that I do. Sitting and wondering about it, and wondering about how much you lovedthis one person and all you get back is like the moment now, sitting in a cubicle thinking it and getting this tingly piercing through your heart feeling.

I am feeling really mellow since I let you go and walk away in front of me. And this little thing i call ego has always been my best friend. I tried changing, but I failed. And now, even I don't remember why i really love/like you. Even that I'm not sure.

I just feel that being in love is not worth it because I know when I'm in love with someone I give them everything but I still have doubt on how much they love me. I know I'm the problem. But I think being the problem makes you the unique one and there would be someone who will love you for who you are. But sigh, this love is making me confuse right now.

Its such a painful and confusing feeling. Nothing brings happiness and nothing last forever including love.

Then wondered again, what about my parents? Not love?

Still confused.

Ashwi (:

Monochrome.

Mom, what do you think about Monochrome Picture.?

They are just picture Ashwi, like those we have right now.

I'm not really sure is it just me or monochrome pictures are breathtaking. They beauty this black and white pictures are not describable. Or is it because we are too bored looking at colors everyday.

Or, is it just a feeling, that right now I'm frustrated with everything around me except food. Does this frustration leads to the love towards monochrome images?

Looking through this images, makes me smile, in a way due to its beauty, but then I'm still wondering, Why Monochrome.?

There something about this video, it gives this calm aura even on a bright sunny day.

Falling - Tyler Ward ft Alex G

Ashwi (: