Sunday, April 29, 2012

Leading On.

I've known a guy for almost 5 years now. Years is quite long for the lifespan for an individul who lives in todays generation. And we have been together for like 4 years and we broke up. We broke due to misunderstandings, and then we tried patching things  and i guess it didnt work.

I was really hurt with the fact that I was trying to fix things and how he reacted to it, made me think that he is not gonna put much effort to make things better. I was hurt, i broke, and i patched my things up to feel better. And to the extend, I wanted to talk to him again, just to hurt him and prove a point on how much I was hurt.

I played with his feelings, I hurt him, and this time around, he was serious about making things better and to ensure that our relationship last, but i lead him out about being serious in it too, but in two weeks, i dropped a bomb on him saying that I was dating someone and I just wanted to hurt you feelings, and I did say mean things that I shouldnt.

That I didnt have right too.
To say things, people do mistakes
And he did it, I had no right to judge.

This year, New Year, we started communicating again. I do go out with him, watch a movie for a drink and stuff, and what I forget to mention that, my feeling for him, i switched it off. I did switch it off and i moved on, for real, for once, and I was talking to him normally, but like i said, there was no feelings, there was nothing coming back.

And things really got weird lately, he was really angry when one of my guy friends, took my phone and just sent an I Love You message and he thought it was from me and he was unhappy, because I took it as a joke. This time around, I realize something was really weird.

And it has been bothering  me for couple of nights and I decided to ask him about it.

I asked
Have you really moved on from us? From me. 

He replied :

Nope, I'm still here, didnt move anywhere. But you did right?

 I just couldnt answer that. couldn't because that was the truth.

This moment, I was  holding my breath. I think its because I felt really bad with what I did before. I shouldnt have judged him and shouldnt have said anything. But I was hurt, I wanted him to feel what I felt.

I dont think its wrong for a person to move on, for me to move on. No one said I shouldnt. And I'm happy that I did. Because switching the feelings would be one of the best actions, then now, second thoughts all over again.

I promised myself to value me more than I did before, because I dont deserve treatments from others that make me someone who has not worth, value. I wanted to be happy with myself and appreciate myself for being me and not letting others to tell me how to treat myself.

I really feel bad that I didnt know that he wont move on from me, and be happy with someone else who would treat him way better than I did. I cant ask him to switch his feelings to someone else. Now, that I feel so bad for leading him on,

i feel stuck, because i moved on and he didnt, and i want him to move on find someone, so that im sure that its not my fault for him not being happy and being is love now.



I just feel stuck.


Leading on:
Verb: lead on
  1. Making a person think you have feelings for them, and that it is going to go further than just friendship, but not intending to go anywhere at all.
  2. Allowing a person to continually feel a certain way when you, knowingly, don’t feel the same, but still choose not to tell them.
  3. To entice or induce especially when unwise or mistaken
  4. Be false to; be dishonest with












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