Problem #1234

I churn most of my thought when I am driving. I guess its no where I can run too, when my mind is scattered in many ways. But maybe that is one of the reasons why I actually really enjoy driving and a little of traffic jam. Because there is no where I can run at this point, where I am literally nothing to do and my brain will use all this time to think.

I know, over thinking can be bad, but at times, it makes you realize what are your self worth in life.

Last night, I tried to like sleep early because I have a really early class today, thanks to Monash. :D
And I normally don't sleep at 10pm, although that is really ideal. I sleep on average at 2am. Because I have many issues and sleeping is one.
Phone was ringing at 12am for who else other than the ex boyfriend. It was a surprise that he actually called, I mean he never calls and yesterday he did. And I definitely called back, thinking it must be something really important that he would wanna inform me or something, atleast I was hoping for it to be important.

And all he called for is to ask whether I have Lord of the Rings, DVD version. Not blue-ray but DVD. And he specifically told me, that he would not watch it if its Blue-ray. Sometimes I wonder, how did I ever fell in love with a bitch. I mean it was a pretty hard hit on the floor though, this one at least.
So moving on from that conversation, I was pretty upset with Adam right now, I don;t really wanna talk about it with anyone, but definitely someone I trust.
And this guy right here is definitely someone I trust, but the point is trusting  is one, but I forget about the fact that I needed someone judgemental. Being a typical indian guy himself, judging is the first thing that he would do.

I realize that sometimes, he feels really happy to see my scar myself this much with emotions. I mean he gives me the most sarcastic comments ever. And the way he has this sarcastic laugh because people are leaving me. And the way he feels, so gay when someone decides to hurt my feelings or anything like that.

I don't understand why is it important for him that I am actually failing. In average right now, I am definitely failing in life, and I know that. I am not waiting for a miracle to change it, but I guess sometimes its just me, just me that I give dealing with people. I distant myself because sometimes, that's just me. And it doesn't really effect me unless someone says it to my face. And I think that is why sometimes I am so reserved that I don't really wanna talk things out with anyone because they judge.

Why can't someone just get through the day without judging or making each other feel bad.
I mean I know you are my ex, but if you really have a problem with my dating life, maybe you should take one turn and look at how I treat you, I am your ex too. And I think I deserve to be treated with much more respect. I didn't cheat on you or hurt your feelings, but why are you still doing it?

Is it because I shrug things off my shoulder easily to prevent trouble, that at the end it makes me look bad always? Or am I just too nice, that you know I eventually forgive you, like always.