leave if you want too.

When someone you think would never disappoint you eventually does disappoints you, it's like you are slapping your own face. That feeling where you just want to hit yourself so hard for having so much hope on one person, even after so many others have disappointed you in many ways. 

It's kinda frustrating when there is so much other things you can do, other than making people around you always feel better. But I did not, did not do all the other things to ensure the ones I love are okay. I wasn't doing anything hoping for something in return, but sometimes, I wish they'd just appreciate it. 

No one has ever done something for me that I wish they'd have. But I am not complaining, its okay for them to not do anything for me, because they least someone I love could do is appreciate me for who I am. I feel lately, I've been invisible. Maybe in their eyes, I am, or I will always be. I think that one of the most cruel thing you can do to a person is to pretend you care more than you actually do. 

I totally understand with the term, we have our own life. We do. I agree, and I totally agree that our lives doesn't revolve around each other, but for me, my life at least; it revolves around making people around me feel better, because it eventually brings positive vibes into me as well. I wouldn't pretend or even assume someone with such a strong figure have no feelings nor fragile side of them. 

I have a soft spot for so many people in my life. And just this one soft spot definitely leads to many disappointments. And at one point, there's nothing much you can do about it, because you believed too much in this one person. 

Don't take someone for granted just because you know every time you push them away, they'd come back running to you. Cause one day they wont. One day I will not be there, because I've already given up, maybe in you maybe in me. But I've given up on everything. And I wont be there any more, making sure you are doing okay. 

Honestly, that is not someone I would want to be, giving up on you or even myself, cause for the past 20 years, the battle I fought to be where I am today will not be worth it at all.

It effects me if you leave, if anyone leaves, it effects me badly, I literally will break, but I'd rather have that once and move on, rather than you doing it over and over again because I don't want to cry to sleep, just because I am invisible to you. I'd rather lose you once than you hurting me over and over again. 

x.