2013

Hello. ! :)
So today is the last day of 2012. And guess what I am doing.
Yup having some alone time at Starbucks cherishing the past 365 days.
The amount of laughter, love, anger, hate and frustration, all sums up to make me this person I am at this very moment.
Although heart breaks are hard to handle, I definitely believe I've dealt with it great and it has definitely made me a better person.

During this year, I've met many new people and not forgetting those old ones who never gave up on me, :) thanks. And those who I never thought would leave, which eventually left, it hurts but I guess its all lessons for me to be a better person. Thanks for that too.
As much as I miss you, I am sure what we did is for the best, the only thing I wish for is that we stop pretending to be okay, when clearly everyone knows we are not. Its sad, for many of them, but I guess people need to deal with it.

Moving on,
I realize I've made many selfish and important decisions for life in future this year. I have. And I've never worked this hard to actually do good, and thanks to all the pressure.
Decisions that I made definitely got me thinking a lot, and all the decisions, okay maybe mostly was just what I need, what I needed to do to make me better, which includes, pushing people who genuinely cared away.
I'm sorry that I had to do that, I truly am, but I cant afford to be so attach to so many people and slowly bite my heart off thinking how life would be without them. One of the greatest decisions I've made is to stay alone. I'd rather be alone than to have the thought of losing somebody, unless my mum manages to talk me out of it. My point is, I feel that at this very moment I am so attached to so many people in life, and the last thing I have to do is lure more people into my life. I don't want to do that, because I don't think all this would work, basically.

I know no one would read here, but I think I am better off writing it out that actually explaining how much they mean to me.

I love you all, for always being there and caring. Thanks for all the bitter sweet memories created throughout the year and thank you for always lending me your should when I needed one. Mostly, thanks for all the happiness that you guys gave me, thanks for the amazing 2012, and lets kick some 2013 asses, shall we?

Loads of love, 
Ashwi. 

xx.

Christmas.

Merry Christmas loves.
Its time of jolly wolly and alcohol.

I had the best Christmas eve ever. Last night.
Today I'm just tired as fuck.
I dont know why I had to drink too much. It was free and comfortable because it was infront of y parents I think. Like I don't have to hide the fact that I drink and I do get drunk.

But overall, I regret doing it last night.
Pretty much irresponsible I would say. :)
But I wish it was much better, and
I hope you are having a amazing Christmas, whoever you are.
I love you loads.

Ashwi.

love, hurts too much.

Hope. Its the only thing stronger than fear.
- The Hunger Games

So I really have been away for quite some time from here. I guess university took too much of my time. And honestly I realize that I can never come up with any other excuse that university. But its the truth. I guess the next four years of my life would just be, this.

So my mid semester break officially started yesterday. For one week, I mean it also includes Christmas and New Years break. Sadly, the combine everything and gave us like just one week holiday. So today is like officially the first day and what I was doing. Definitely, downloading and watching movies at home. I watched Perks of Being a Wallflower, 21 Jump Street & LOL.

By watching these movies, one this that was in common is the fact that you love something/someone too much that it actually hurts.
When I think about it, over and over again, it does really hurt because you just love this person too much, be it whoever and we are shoved with the fact that nothing last forever. Thus you know all this love, not forever. And it hurts.

They say when you fall in love, don't stumble. Just have that gentle fall because they gentle fall may keep you occupied till its gone, when its gone, that gentle fall, makes you stand near a cliff and it would be so much easier to pull yourself back together.
Sometime we can say that love is also like a knife. Just imagine, falling in love, it can either make you or break you. The knife can carve beautiful images, and also can stab right through you. Its kinda of the end of story when it stabs right through you. However, when it carve this beautiful images in your soul, when, it is always fresh. And the when carving starts to heal, its painful. healing process starts with pain. What I mean is that, think about when everything ends, all these images are memories, memories that aches, because you dont have this happiness anymore in life.

My point is that, I am not going against love or anything, me myself am in love with many people be in family or friends. Then again thinking about the fact that it does last hurts to the very core, but that doesn't make me less the important people less.

I am certain I am not degrading anyone that in love, honestly I am happy that you are, because not everyone is lucky to be in love. And there are handful of people who gives me hope to fall in love, I think. One day maybe.

Right now, it just desires that need to be fulfilled and I'll be good.

ashwi.

Happy Birthday, ex lover.

I started dating, or I would say that I had my first boyfriend when I was 14. Yup as young as that. And he was 17. And yup we fell in love, out of love, in love again and it was an on off thing for almost 4 years. We knew that we needed each other but the point was we couldn't stand each other. 

When I was 18, and he was 20 we decided that we had to let go of each other, but we realize everything we've gone through would be a waste if we didn't try at least a little to save this relationship. 

And honestly we did. We did make it up because we started off bestfriends really young and no matter what happened, even the bits where we fell in love and fell out of love, the relationship we had for that four amazing years was worth saving. 

This year marks the 6th year of our friendship, six years of fights and loves and problems and arguments. Heck, it was worth it. And he is turning 23 tomorrow. My ex, my bestfriend, my friend, my first love, the guy that was there for me most of the time. 

Its his birthday tomorrow and I would like to wish him Happy Birthday and thank you for always being there. 

You see they say that you can be friends, after falling out of love, with you ex. But I did it. Till this very moment we are friends and we love each other dearly. We love each other too much to let go of what we had. He was the only guy that saw me grow up, till who I am today. He knows me too well. 

My point is I believe that lovers can be friends, and you need to be lucky to have this special relationship. And to be lucky, you just have to put your mind to it and have the intention wanting your ex to be your friend. :)

perfect night.

Honestly, I ran behind him like a puppy dog within a week. 

The smile I had knowing he is still there with me. NOTHING BEATS THAT.

Okays, so I met him after one week, and honestly his face was kinda blur in my mind, but when I saw him. I was really happy. I spent solid 4 hours, which made up to the whole week. And I couldn't telling the world how perfect was last night. And how everything ended was just amazing. For me. 

When I say perfect way to end the night. I believe that 49% of the world thinks that I actually had sex.

Honestly, it wasn't sex. 

It was perfect because, I got to be with him. Till he finished. And what was more perfect is he walked me to my car. From the location to the lift. In the lift till my car. When we reached at my car. I got a really tight hug. A kiss on my forehead. And "drive safe" and he left. 

For me, last night was perfect. 

Not those hot make out sessions we have. 

Just last night. Made me realize, how much this person actually means to me. 

He definitely made me feel special. 

Right now, nothing can beat that.