Guilt.

Guilt. Its a very strange thing. It changes people. It makes people see the side of them that no one wishes to see.
Guilt. It makes others say the meanest thing to you because they are guilty.


Its funny that lately I've been paying so much attention to every little detail of someone reactions and actions in front of me. Its not a good thing but i just feel that when I look at them and when I hear them speak about something, I kinda understand how it feels like although I have never been through that situation in my life before.

Few days ago, I had this huge argument with someone I really adored my entire life. She meant so much to me that I would do anything for her. And I felt like she took advantage of the fact that I love her too much that I would do anything for me. I confronted her about how I feel, and I am really sorry that I can't stop myself from feeling as such.

My heart, filled with this feeling of being used. That I felt that the fact I loved her too much was the reason why she have decided to treat me the way she does. To set things straight this is my point of view on how I feel and I am really sorry that I feel this way. Maybe for her, it was me helping her out. But for me, was purely being used and taking advantage on.

I feel like in her life, I am the mat, that she can just walk on. And say whatever her mind wish to stay, without a filter in her mouth and yet she claims that I am the mistake. I am the problem. I have the problem that I can't forget what she did two years ago that broke me so much deep down that it took me almost 24 months of my life to get back on my feet.

And right she feels guilty that I can't get over the fact that she hurt me but however I have forgives her. I am really sorry that I can't forget.

We are not said to like only remember the good things happened, but we need to keep the bad ones close too.

All this would be a way for me, to make sure that I don't hurt myself that much.

I am sorry for being like this. Maybe I am the problem. And thats why, I am drifting away from you.


love, a.