LDR

LDR -  is typically an intimate relationship that takes place when the partners are separate by a considerable distance. (wiki)

I'm not a fond believer of this type of relationship. I'm not telling that I don't believe it at all, what I'm tryna say is that, for me. I don't think it would workout. 

And this don't mean that, I don't believe in every single LDR out there. There are people who have been proving it that no matter what, even LDR, they can make things work. 

I have a few friends who is in a long distance relationship. I don't have anything against this people. I really don't, I'm actually happy that they have the power and confidence to make things work out, unlike me, where I just don't think I could do it. 

Recently, a friend, a really good one, just broke up. That he is here but his girlfriend is in Oz, studying. I really look up to him, that he really works hard to make things work. For almost a year. Not a year yet but going to be. I was really happy for him, and people like him, gave me the strength that I could handle a LDR. 

No matter how hard was it for them both, they still made time. Because of love. That love they has of each other. And now, what happened, which flight did the feeling took. Another route?

How is this fair to the other individual, that you just lost your feelings. You know what you signed up for when you knew she was leaving. To me, I don't think that a person feelings should just stop, unless something really brutal happened. And if you had a really good reason for your feelings to die, then I understood. 

Being away from each other is not easy, letting go of the one you loves just because she is thousands and thousands miles away, is just proving, how much the love you had for her. 

If you know that you couldn't handle it, you should have done it in the first place. 

For example, my gym friend. He was with his girlfriend for almost a year, and their relationship went up to the fourth level. This means, they have an emotional and physical contact with each other. And one fine day, she had to leave, to the States, to further her studies but this was only for a year. They knew that it would be difficult to make things work for a year or they could bite their teeth for a year and make it work, as he will be busy her with work and she will be busy there with studies. They both knew it won't be fair for each other to be together, and hoping to not cheat on each other, due to the physical contact. It our nature to always want more if we had a  taste of it before. They sat and talk for days, cried for nights  knowing that they had to go apart and it would be difficult to maintain what they had before and with mutual understanding they split their relationship and it has been almost 10 months now. In two months time, she will be back. He moved on, meeting girls and all because he told her that, it better to no cheat you than be with you and do nonsense here. But he told me, that if she comes back and he is not committed with anyone else, he would definitely want her back, because he believe that everything that happens to him has a pinch of God's grace. Maybe she is the one. 

moving on,

I have another friend, a girl. Who is also in a LDR. And she is my really good friend. I had a misunderstanding with her, because I was telling about how a person's feelings can just die, in that way, our parents love to us, would just die any moment. The love we have for them, would disappear too. I was telling her that I don't think that your feelings would just die because you just done putting effort and not gaining anything from a relationship. I guess she really misunderstood where I was coming from. Because i wasn't judging my friend, who just broke up. I was thinking that hey, if you feelings could just go missing, how are you gonna be in a stable relationship. How is that, when you get committed you have to always gain something out of it/ Why don't you make things work because of the love you had for her? the love you had when she was here, everything she ever did for you. You just let her go because now that she is not here, you just can't get anything out of it. What happen to the love she gave you all this while.

My friend took the situation really personal that because she is in a LDR too. I don't have issues with anyone who is in this relationship. At one point of my life, I really look up at here, that she is so strong, that no matter how far he is from her, all the cute stories she tells me made me realize that she is really happy and no matter what, she is falling more and more in love with her. And I even look up to her because she can make this work. And she is in love. 

It hurts me, that she thinks  I don't believe in her love story. I really believe and people like this give me hope that if I even fall into this relationship, I would look up to her and make her as an example to make things work. 

I know that right now, I'm not in a relationship, but that doesn't mean, I don't know anything about being in love and being apart, I've gone through it. And you know everything about me, EVERYTHING. how could say that i don't understand. 

Its true that we all have different opinion in love, but thats just how we grew till today. 

If I were you, if someone's love is just based on sex, well. I respect that, because thats how you grew and that is what you belief. 

Im not saying that I would never ever believe in a long distance relationship, but she and everyone who is in LDR could change my perception one day.

One day, i might get into this sticky situation, and I know, all of you would be a good and bad example. 

A.

stupidity, grown ups.

I took a day off yesterday, from uni. I didn't find a point of going. Maths and Algorithm. Mehh. Not really what I look forward too everyday. So I was spending my whole day sitting in front the tv and mac and playing tetris almost every hour.

I wish life was like this always. But it would definitely be so much better if my family was there. At times, it was very lonely and staying alone in my house is sometimes scary. Really scary. Till the point I was afraid to even go to the bathroom. Hehehe. I don't know why.

So as usual tumblr, what else does one do online. And I came across a friends tumblr account. Wasn't stalking though. But just look through, since I scrolled so much. And this person wrote something that made me feel annoyed with the society. Just because of her action.

How stupid can a person be to not care for their friends, that includes, not causing commotion in their life. What is it so important, that a person could be so fucking selfish to think that its okay for your friend's significant other to be jealous.

Okay I get it, that this is your best friend and if he was your best friend, doesn't mean that, you would do anything in this world to make your friend happy. How is it right for you to not care how the other girl feels.

What happen to caring for others. What happened to caring for your friends?

I just don't understand.

And when someone confronts you, you get all caught up about it.

Why haven't you learnt.

Why is it so hard to be rational?

What is it that it kills you to see others happy?

How long will it take for you to grow up .

I feel bad, as this is my friend too. That this three individual is my friends. It hurts me that, my friend don't care about her own friend feelings.

Ignore me all you want, I don't really care. But if you were the reason for my friends relationship to go down the road, don't blame me for thinking that you are one of the cause for them to not be together. 

Its like, you are causing bad name for yourself. Then you get so caught up that people talks behind your back. Oh wait, I think you don't really care. 

I genuinely think you are stupid. And now, no one annoys me more than you do.

It takes ALOT for me to dislike a person. Guess you did too much of "ALOT" for me to totally dislike you today. Just saying. 

A.

nostalgic

for the record, today is the first time ever, i wrote the title to this page, before scribbling its content.

Nostalgic - at the beginning this word, was very alien to me, and the more I talked to people, I tend to try to fit this word and now I know, what does it mean, how does it feel like.

i am now still watching The Voice Finale. And I was just listening and decided to note my thought now, as this is something I always thought off. And Tony Lucca sang with his coach, Adam Levine. They sang Yesterday by The Beatles.

And this made me remember memories when I was young. Our trips, and how he exposed us to his music. From Beatles to Alleycats. And i realize, how I wish I was just 8 forever, yes 8 forever, not 21 forever, I miss those nights he comes in my room and put the blanket on us and give us a kiss on the cheek and as we grow up, both of us. Age made us distant.

Now, its all serious business conversation, so that I don't do mistake. Theres no more room, for me to screw up and he comes tell me, its okay, your still small. Now if I screw up its all lecture, I miss those times where he was the hero. I mean he still is the hero in my life, but I guess he wants us to know that no one stays together forever.

That I need to go out, independent and be a strong lady and an intelligent one. So that, when we are on our own, we know whats right and what right. I feel bait down that he is just letting us go on with outlives, instead of him being in it and creating better ones, no matter how old I am.

Its been forever, since I had a really good fruitful conversation with my papa. Maybe its me, that I don't put effort and spare time to talk to him. Or its just him, don't want to give me room to try. Maybe sometimes I'm trying but I just don't realize that I am trying because, this situation, talking to dad, is not something you need to try. So when I try, it really doesn't seem like i'm trying.



As it is for now, I'm gonna just continue trying. 
to put a smile 
and create a great memory
to cherish 
a lifetime.

A.

children.

Children, to me, are the most beautiful thing ever, the innocence they portray reflects us, once when we were them and they of all, would be able to teach some of the most important values we need to carry no matter how much we grow.

I believe, a child if a gift from the Greater Power. To me, every kid that is here today, was chosen by him and it kills me to see, parents who hit or abandon their kids.

Apparently there was a video going viral on Facebook regarding this one lady who is continuously beating her child because the baby was crying. One of the wise man of my country, posted up to the minister on actions and it has been said that the lady who abused the kid was punished for committing a crime.

I however feel that 18 months is not enough for her, but who am I to say right. Its just so stupid and irrational of her to do that to her own 2 year old, who she gave birth too. It makes me sad thinking that, why today, all this is happening to our society. Nothing has been this severe when our parents were young.

Is it us, whom are going against or norm. or
Is it the media, that today it allows us to post anything and everything all over the internet and communication devices.

I think at the end of the day, its on both sides, that the media does a very minimal filter and the society has the urge to try things that has never been tried before, and this include their wild imaginary stuff, which was caused by the media today.

I dont understand why, someone would wanna have kids and not know how to take care of them. Do they realize that, they are so many people around wish they could have kids, but then we, have sex for the fun of it, get pregnant then abuse the own child. Which part of all this made sense. Its either, you don't have sex or you learn to be a good parent.

You don't abuse a 2 years old, because your emotion set back. Its a baby, it doesn't know anything. You of all, have common sense, why don't you think.

Kids, again, are the most precious gift God can give us.
Appreciate and stop abusing them.




Kids
They are the reason for us to be better
To put that smile on our face
To not give  up
To love others
To appreciate life,
To have a companion
To make us believe that God is Great. 


A.

miss.response

"It's better to quietly miss someone, then to tell them and get no response"


Well, I don't know what is your stake on that, but to me, I feel that its true. Right now, I'm missing both my good friends heaps. We have all been busy, that its not easy to just meet up as we three are all studying in different universities.

I dont blame anyone for this situation as I know how hard uni can get and we all have our own goals. Sometimes, its just frustrating that you love this people like your own siblings and you don't see them for weeks.

I tried telling them, that I miss them, but the response I get from them, I just don't know why, its not satisfying. I can't force them to see me or i can't just barge to their uni. I need to be in uni too. I've been waiting for almost a week for today to come, cause I was suppose to go to Korean Class, and see Rhys, but it got cancelled.

I was disappointed but I feel pretty much powerless in this situation. Another week I guess till I see him.

And with Kishya, I asked her today, for lunch as class finished early, she has assignments. Oh Rhys have assignments too.

I can, survive for another few days till I see them, I am sure.
Sometimes, I feel that, as we grow we will drift away, and its a fear for me, if we do really
drift away


Not something I'm looking forward too but definitely gonna be ready for anything life have to offer.

After all, its life. which,
start with a hello, and
ends with a goodbye.




A.

f.pretend

I am bored. I'm in my Algorithm class. My lecturer, he asked us to bring the laptop, to do some questions during lecture, but he is lecturing. -____________-

moving on,
thank you omma, for getting me a new Macbook Pro, as my last Mac died on me.

Last week, was pretty much a busy week, and I was forcing myself busy to ensure that I am not over-thinking things that I shouldn't over think.

Talking about thinking,
I've told myself that I am not gonna be with anyone, till he get someone. Or I am gonna talk to him about everything and clearing things, to not feel bad later on when I move on. I hope he understands.

We have been talking again, like every night. And I don't think all this is worth its time.

It took A, almost one week to text me. And he did. I only replied one text and I don't know what else to say. I don't know why am I doing this, I was really upset that he didn't text me, but when he did, I was pretty much feelingless and I don't wanna even reply.

I don't know why he is doing all this. And I don't know why, I am doing all this.


I want it, 
then I pretend to not care.


Pretending is this feeling for me, that I am happy when I am around, then I get all emotional when I alone,  you can call it fake.

yes, fake.


Dear A, 
I'm sorry that I know nothing can bring us together, now. 
And now, as much as I want you, that is how much I don't want you.
I know, you know what is important and what is not.
I just wish, I am able to face you.
And talk to you, for us, to feel mutual,
to let go of 
each other.


Love, 
A